On the Eve of My Fortieth Birthday

I have been doing a lot of self-reflection lately. I turn 40 tomorrow- which is in about 15 minutes. A new decade. And even though it’s stupid, this birthday feels different- like I’m entering a new phase of my life. Everyone keeps telling me that age is just a number because it’s true. But the number can have so much baggage to it, can’t it?

If you had asked me a couple months ago if turning 40 was bothering me I would have said no, but that was a lie. I’m not really bothered about turning 40- I’m more bothered by the thought that I haven’t accomplished everything I had set out to do by this age. You know what I’m talking about, right? The master plan we all make for ourselves that includes all the things we want to do before we die. I’m cheery, I know. But I think you know what I mean.

As far back as I can remember, I have loved animals. This love led me to believe that I wanted to be a veterinarian when I grew up. I told anyone who would listen of my big plans. It wasn’t until the third grade that I realized that veterinarians had to administer shots, fix boo-boos, and work with scared animals. Ever the over-emotional girl, I decided I wouldn’t be able to handle being around hurt animals. Bummed, I traded my dream of being a veterinarian with one that included “a house filled with lots and lots of animals.”

At least I got that one right.

I don’t talk about it much but, I used to be a non-vegan. It’s shocking, I know. I consumed animals for twenty years before going vegetarian in my early twenties. It’s weird to think of me as a non-vegan, so I rarely do it. But like I said, I was thinking about shit. I thought about all the ways that animals played a role in my life as a child- from the zoos to state fairs to my uncle’s farm where my family was the recipient of “the freshest bacon you can imagine.” My cousins would tell me stories about chores that consisted of, “cutting off the head of a chicken with an ax and then plucking out the feathers” so it could be cooked for dinner. And although I thought that was horrible on every level, it wasn’t because I didn’t think that they shouldn’t be eating the chicken.

It’s hard to like that little girl.

Then I think back to the start of my vegetarianism. That girl, she was angry. I had just found out how our industrialized food system works and I was outraged. Oh, that girl was exhausting to deal with. Adbusters in one hand and a bullhorn in the other. I was tedious, but inspired to want to change the world. It would be the first time I thought of myself as an activist. A vegetarian activist, my veganism would come later.

And it did, in January 2005. Back before vegan cheese could melt. There was no Gardein- no Daiya cheese or Fieldroast sausages.

Did I ever tell you about the time that I applied to work at PETA? I was unhappily working for a global elevator corporation, daydreaming about doing something different. I don’t know what prompted me to do it, but one day I sent PETA a letter about how they should hire me. In it I explained why my previous work history, although exemplary, was unimportant. What mattered was my desire to help animals and that my desire to help trumps everything else.  In the end, I didn’t end up working at PETA. We had a few email conversations, but I ended up needing an emergency surgery which ended things.  But it started me thinking about my life and animals in a new way.

I went to my first animal sanctuary in 2008.

The elevator company and I broke up in 2009.

I started Your Daily Vegan in 2009.

I went to my first Walk for Farm Animals in 2009.

I joined Twitter in 2009.

I met Daria in 2011.

Daria started working for YDV in 2012.

All the memories. Forty years of them.

I know this post is a bit ramble-y, it reflects how I feel about my journey. Underneath it all there is a common thread that I’ve come to realize about myself:

Every action that I’ve taken has led me to where I am today. It’s not the place I thought I’d be, but it’s the place I’m supposed to be. Looking back, I have only ever wanted to work on behalf of animals my entire life. Today, I’ve written 732 articles, 52 vegan learn guides, and more than 18 thousand tweets about veganism. I get to do something that I am completely passionate about- I am working on behalf of animals everywhere and it’s exactly where I want to be.