By Published On: 2 June 2011337 words1.7 min read

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10 Signs You Shouldn’t Go Vegan

By Shannon Alberta, Guest Contributor

I spend a lot of my time talking to people about the many important reasons for going vegan. But let’s face it, constantly defending your food choices can get a little tedious. So instead of writing a piece on why people should go vegan, I decided to offer up a list of reasons why they shouldn’t. Enjoy!

10 Signs You Shouldn’t Go Vegan

1)  You credit milk’s 59 bioactive hormones for your extra thick toenails.

2)  You think that, like evolution and climate change, heart disease is a myth created by God-hating scientists to distract people from the only thing that really matters: the Guaranteed* Rapture of Aug 2nd, 2011. (*or your money back)

3)  You can’t imagine mornings without the sweet, rank results of a milk sniff-test.

4)  After a lifetime of consuming animal products, you’ve grown extremely attached to the ritual you’ve built around your weekly bowel movement.

5)  Ever since NASA found water on the moon, you’re no longer worried about the world’s freshwater supply.

6)  You firmly believe that all female animals (including humans) were put on this Earth for the primary purpose of providing men with food, drink and offspring.

7)  A fierce competitor who was “born to win”, you will stop at nothing until you’re awarded the title of World’s Largest Environmental Footprint.

8)  Your parents went a little overboard during the Khrushchev thing, and after only recently emerging from your Cold War bunker, you’re still convinced that smoking is healthy, Spam is a miracle food and that seat-belts are for squares.

9)  The only things you’re willing to change are: a) the channel, b) the volume, c) the batteries in your remote.

10)  You think ‘bovine spongiform encephalopathy’ has a nice ring to it.

By Published On: 2 June 2011337 words1.7 min read

Share This Story!

10 Signs You Shouldn’t Go Vegan

By Shannon Alberta, Guest Contributor

I spend a lot of my time talking to people about the many important reasons for going vegan. But let’s face it, constantly defending your food choices can get a little tedious. So instead of writing a piece on why people should go vegan, I decided to offer up a list of reasons why they shouldn’t. Enjoy!

10 Signs You Shouldn’t Go Vegan

1)  You credit milk’s 59 bioactive hormones for your extra thick toenails.

2)  You think that, like evolution and climate change, heart disease is a myth created by God-hating scientists to distract people from the only thing that really matters: the Guaranteed* Rapture of Aug 2nd, 2011. (*or your money back)

3)  You can’t imagine mornings without the sweet, rank results of a milk sniff-test.

4)  After a lifetime of consuming animal products, you’ve grown extremely attached to the ritual you’ve built around your weekly bowel movement.

5)  Ever since NASA found water on the moon, you’re no longer worried about the world’s freshwater supply.

6)  You firmly believe that all female animals (including humans) were put on this Earth for the primary purpose of providing men with food, drink and offspring.

7)  A fierce competitor who was “born to win”, you will stop at nothing until you’re awarded the title of World’s Largest Environmental Footprint.

8)  Your parents went a little overboard during the Khrushchev thing, and after only recently emerging from your Cold War bunker, you’re still convinced that smoking is healthy, Spam is a miracle food and that seat-belts are for squares.

9)  The only things you’re willing to change are: a) the channel, b) the volume, c) the batteries in your remote.

10)  You think ‘bovine spongiform encephalopathy’ has a nice ring to it.

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  1. Josie Jansen June 6, 2011 at 12:42 pm - Reply

    I shared too on Facebook! Great Site!

  2. Lucine June 5, 2011 at 5:02 am - Reply

    very well done !
    # 1, 3 and 4 are extremely repulsive and convincing.

  3. Abbey June 4, 2011 at 8:02 am - Reply

    funny and clever!

  4. richa June 2, 2011 at 7:54 pm - Reply

    cool list! i love 2 and 4 :):)

  5. Leslie June 2, 2011 at 4:46 pm - Reply

    Well done! I shared this on our FB page.