I said, “NO FIGHTING IN THE CAR!”

By Hay, Guest Contributor

My friend Christopher and I have known each other since we were four. He’s quirky, I’m quirky. Let’s just say we fight…and bump heads…A LOT.

We were sitting in the backseat of the car when it happened – the fight of all fights. The loudest one ever. It went something like this:

“So excited this weekend is the Animal Rights National Conference in Washington DC. We’re going Sunday.”

“I’ve been thinking- that web site about vegans- it exaggerates to make a point. We used to own shares of a cow at a farm near our house. They had a few cows and only a few people had shares. It was fine.”

“What? How did they do that in a way that was ‘fine’? You know the cow has to constantly be impregnated, right?”

“Oh no, they had a few cows. Besides, they get to keep the babies. For a long time. They feed milk to the babies and to the machines. So it’s like supply and demand. They only use the machines after the babies, so the machine tricks the cow into thinking it needs to make more milk. Its like a wet nurse. Besides, they can give milk for a very long time after a baby. And the machine makes it seem like there is a demand, even after the baby. The cow doesn’t know the difference between the machine and the baby. So the cow keeps making milk long after.”

“The cow doesn’t know the difference between a machine and its own baby? Do you hear what you are saying? And what do you think happens to the baby? The male ones leave for veal- taken from its mother.”

“Well, I’m sure they sell off the calves, not sure what happens there.”

(This is where it REALLY turns weird, loud, and ugly.)

“Not sure what happens? Well that shouldn’t be ok.”

“Well, the Bible says the Children of Israel couldn’t go into the forest, so God did something to get the animals out, not sure what- and then the Children of Israel could go into the forest.”

“What? Huh? Well, whatever that means, I hope the Children of Israel weren’t devising a plan to hunt, capture, torture, or cook the animals in order to go into the forest. Surely the Bible shouldn’t advise that.”

“Oh no, they’re not children. They are just God’s children.”

“Yeah well, I hope God’s children didn’t make those terrible schemes either.”

(Super loud yelling starts here.)

“WHAT ABOUT THE BABIES?! The human babies! They are being burned aliveeeee!”

“Wait a second- you are upset that innocent beings are being killed at the hands of another for no reason? Can’t you see we’re on the same side? Neither one is the bad guy here. The bad guy is the one who does nothing, cares about nothing. Do you think if you can’t stand for everything you should just stand for nothing?”

“The ones who care about animals over people are the bad guys, too!”

(Oh boy. Ugh!)

And there it went round and round. At least 20 minutes-the fight of all car fights…by OUR PARENTS! Vegan Mom vs. Bible Mom. No end in sight, no winner, just loud.

I wonder if they will be grounded for a week.