Oh, Gardein.  When we first met you wooed me with your strange, not-to-soft texture that reminded me of my omnivore days- but you didn’t go so far that I would get nauseous like some faux meat products.  I can admit it now, looking back, that I fell for you that first time over dinner.  And, oh- you were so exotic.  I had never tasted another product quite like you.  You drove me crazy for years, being available at the only vegan restaurant in town and not in any of the health food stores.  I’ve got to give you credit, it kept me pining away for you for quite awhile.

But then, totally out of the blue, I saw you.  I almost couldn’t believe my eyes.  There you were, sitting there- all meat-free and stuff.  And Gardein, you seemed to have gotten yourself a makeover- buffalo style.  Well, I couldn’t just let you sit there by yourself.  No, I brought you home to see what you were all about.

You know I thought we had something you and I, Gardein.  And because I did, I was completely taken aback once I got my first taste of your new buffalo wings.

I’m only going to say this because I love you Gardein, I promise I don’t want to hurt your feelings.  Your Buffalo Wings are just awful, I’m sorry.  Oh sure, the same not-to-soft texture that I love is still there- but it’s covered by the most spicy sauce you’ve ever eaten.  Now, I love me some spicy.  I am close friends with Tabasco and chipotle chilies, trust me I can take the heat.  But your sauce, well quite frankly, is just too darn hot.  It’s the kind of hot that simply masks the taste and burns the hell out of your tongue.  I’m sorry darling, but I can’t ever eat your buffalo wings again.

Now, don’t fret.  I’ll still meet you at our special restaurant because I adore your other meat-free-selves.  So even though I didn’t enjoy the buffalo wings at all, we can still be friends- can’t we?

These Gardein Buffalo Wings get 1 Goat – they have a good texture, but the sauce (for me) ruins it all.