It’s July 3, 2012.  Until this year, July 3rd meant one thing- the peke pup’s birthday.  This year however, and every 3rd day of each month for ever more, will signify the day that I lost my best friend Olli.  This third day of the July will mark five months gone.  It seems like a lifetime.  It seems like a second.

I haven’t adjusted to life with two dogs yet.  The peke, the eldest, was just a puppy when Olli was brought home- they were six months and one day apart in age.  It was three years before the terrier came into the picture.  I had forgotten how much easier it is to care for two canines, rather than three.  I don’t suppose I thought much about the death of the dogs much, I’m a softy heart after all, but I never imagined that Olli would be the first one to go- or at barely 8 years old.

I haven’t had a single dream about her since she died, isn’t that bizarre?  There are times when I hear her whine at the door asking to go out and I’m halfway to the door before I remember she’s not here.  Her physical absence is palpable throughout the house, I’m still not used to her not being with me every second.  And it still takes me a few moments upon waking to realize she’s not there.

I saw a dachshund at Target yesterday, a black and tan.  Her* and her human were standing by the exit and I stared at the little dog as I walked towards the entrance.  As I approached, the dachshund got excited as if I was coming to see her.  I wanted to go and pet her, but I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  I had tears in my eyes as I walked up to Customer Service to return some shoes.  Totally perplexed, the customer service woman accepted my return saying, “It’s okay honey, there’s lots of sizes left on the floor- you’ll find the right one.”

*I’m using her though I have no idea if she was actually a he.  If she is actually a he, my apologies.